I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
