Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
