we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
