Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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