Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
