i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
