and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
