Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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