Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
