brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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