her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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