I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
