He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
