Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
