Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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