lets start a swedish sibling band together
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
