Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
