Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
