I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
