Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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