we have pet lesbian snakes
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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