i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
