im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's a naked man in my car right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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