so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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