the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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