I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
