wanna go halves on a baby?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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