i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
