The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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