nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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