I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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