Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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