a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
