can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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