You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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