thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I believe in your delicious
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
