i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
