I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
