We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
