Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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