Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
