The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
