she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
