Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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