i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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