Welp...herpes.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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