we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
