I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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