Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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