is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
