it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
