left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
