Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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